a text conversation between me and a friend who is doing the contract law gig at a firm on the other side of the river.

ms: all creatures need love. except spiders (killed 1 last night with fake butter spray, then poured dish soap and salt on him).

me: be nice to spiders. spiders are our friends. besides, that sounds like dinner.

ms: we could probably get the terrorists to talk the same way. and if waterboarding isn’t torture, fake butter spray definitely wouldn’t count.

me: did the spider give up any intel?

ms: yes but i checked and it’s no good.

me: not corroborated by the roaches?

ms: i think the spider would have told me anything to stop having salt poured in his eyes.

and it pretty much went downhill from there.