you would think (if you were me), that finding pants – nothing fancy, just plain old pants-that-aren’t-jeans, suitable for “business casual” – would not be a herculean task.

you’d be wrong. at least, you would be if you went to a mall to buy said pants, which is what i did yesterday. g and i braved tyson’s corner (never, ever, ever again). we started at nordie’s, because i figured that their half-yearly sale would be a good place to buy pants.

wrong.

they had two – count ‘em, two sale racks of women’s pants. that’s it. all fugly. and i started to tense up.

“let’s get out of here, check out another store.” said g. and so we did. brooks brothers had nice pants, but at more than $200 a pair (that’s more than $100 a leg!), they weren’t a viable option. we continued on, braving gaggles of teenagers, murders of mothers, sieges of senior citizens.

“you’re getting anxious.” g observed.

“well, yeah. how hard is it to find pants? and why is it so crowded?”¹

our next stop was ann taylor (all pants 25% off, the sign outside proudly announced), where after trying on at least 85 million pairs, i found one pair of pants that were adequate. (what size am i? 8, i thought, or 6, perhaps. no, in AT i’m a 4. that’s nonsense.) unfortunately the store only had one register working, and the cashier was elbow-deep in new purchases. i left the pants on the counter. as we left, the security guy/greeter happily chirped to incoming patrons, “all pants! 25% off!”

“yeah, but you only have one working register!” i snarked.

g grabbed my wrist. “you’re getting angry.”

“yes. how hard is it to find fucking pants in a goddamn mall?”

“look, let’s just go to the gap. the gap has pants.”

and so we did. and they did. and in short order (after determining that i’m generally a 6 and sometimes a 4, and wouldn’t it be simpler if all pants were sold by waist/inseam measurements like my 501s?) we left, three pairs of pants (and two new basic belts, one black, one brown) the richer.

i wore new pants today. brown corduroys. narrow wale. very nice. i even got a pair of rockport clogs to go with them.

if the gap ever runs out of pants, i don’t know what i’ll do.

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¹ oh, yeah. xmas shopping season. silly me, it begins before thanksgiving now, doesn’t it? amazing how the gift-giving holidays become more of a chore and less fun with each passing year.